I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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