she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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