It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
