im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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