Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
