That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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