jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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