so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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