and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
