apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
