So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
