Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
