My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The power of my boobs compel you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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