I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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