I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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