they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And the cops told us we were all naked.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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