did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
