She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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