I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
