New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
