We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
