The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
