my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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