I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
