I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I will die if light touches me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
