is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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