I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
