i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
