so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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