We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
