Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
time to smoke my breakfast
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
