My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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