mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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