took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
