Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
