I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
