i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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