Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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