Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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