Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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