I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
