i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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