Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
