This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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