Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
