he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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