No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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