I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
