just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
