All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
