This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Randomize
