I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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