Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
