So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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