Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
her vagine was all disorganized.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
