3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
