Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
