And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
