You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
