i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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