I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sorry about my life...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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