Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
