My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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