apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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