How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
